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So where to start? It's been forever. I guess I'll just go with my thoughts... Tonight was so much fun. I love my friends back home. Don't get me wrong, I miss my Central friends like mad, oh GSA goodness!!!! But tonight it was just Jon, Rachel and I...sipping coffee(for me, smoothie for Jon and tea of course for Rachel)Sitting in town on a park bench and talking in the way only we can. I love them so much, and I don't think they hardly know. Hippie Chick and The HomoForce. That's us...we're gonna be a band...hahah. We've decided to make the coffee thing a weekly event...Tuesday nights with Hippie Chick and the HomoForce...it's gonna be great. God I love us. I'm so so glad Jon's coming to CMU this fall, and living across the hall no less! It'll be so nice to have him down there, and be able to show him stuff...introduce him to GSA...get him out of this god forsaken town that we hate to love. Summer hasn't been to bad, just working and hanging out with friends as much as I can. Trish and I broke up pretty early in the summer, which is ok I guess, she's really busy and it was a "trial" thing anyways I guess...I miss her...but life goes on I suppose. It has to right? I've been talkin to Sarah Wills a lot lately...she's fun...we have fun...haha. Maryellen is coming to visit in about a week and a half...I'm SO excited. I miss her a lot. She and I have been talking a lot too, I actually got in trouble cause I slightly exceeded my minutes...oops. That's ok though, she's totally worth it. I guess that's really my life these days... Oh god...how could I forget, my mom...if she doesn't have the baby before hand they're inducing her at 7am this thursday morning...wow that's like tomorrow...yikes. I'll be sure to post all about that. Now I think that's really about it...haha it felt good to write...I missed it. Next time I wont wait so long.
So denied, so I lied Are you the now or never kind? In a day and a day love I'm gonna be gone for good again Are you willing to be had? Are you cool with just tonight? Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well Here's to the nights we felt alive Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry Here's to goodbye tomorrow's gunna come too soon Put your name on the line Along with place and time Want to stay, not to go, I want to ditch the logical Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well Here's to the nights we felt alive Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry Here's to goodbye tomorrow's gunna come too soon All my time is froze in motion Can't I stay an hour or two or more Don't let me let you go Don't let me let you go Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well Here's to the nights we felt alive Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry Here's to goodbye, tomorrow's gunna come too soon Too soon Here's to the nights we felt alive Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry Here's to goodbye tomorrow's gunna come too soon
To a perfect week. Seriously, this week has been amazing, and tonight made it all the better. Words can't even begin to describe...
Mon, Mar. 31st, 2008, 03:22 pm
Standing Still
I love the rain. It's my favorite. The way it smells, the way it feels, the way it darkens the sky. It's so peaceful, so calming. People pass me walking fast trying to avoid getting soaked, trying to hold their umbrellas against the wind. Quick-stepping around the puddles. I just walk. I don't mind it. Really it's almost therapeutic. Here I sit, sipping coffee, listening to music, and just people watching, but with the rain, it makes it all the better. There might not be nearly as many people to watch(for some reason rain seems to scare people away) but then I just watch the rain. Look at the patterns as it hits on the sidewalks, the drips from the roof, the spray that ends up on the window next to me. It just all seems so, real. I know I probably sound like a nutcase. At this point I honestly don't care. It's the first real rainy day of the season. Close enough for April showers right? Almost all the snow is gone, just little piles are left here now. It was quite the winter I suppose. Interesting occurrences with weather, and with life in general. Lots of firsts, lots of lasts, lots of good experiences, and a few bad. But I feel like I've really learned from them. Some things are long gone, some still linger. Feelings lost, feelings gained and some that will never be lost. Friends made, friends lost. Crushes made, crushes lost, crushes that still linger. College has really changed me as a person. I personally really like the change. I feel like I'm more me than I've ever been before, honestly I really know who I am now, highschool was fun, but this is real. This is life changing, I have fun here, for sure. Do I miss everyone from home, well ok not everyone...but most? Yeah I do, I miss my best friends like hell. But would I have given up this opportunity? Looking back, never. I don't really know why I felt so compelled to write this. I suppose the rain has some sort of effect over me, some power. Most people complain when it's raining, complain that the dark skies make them depressed. Well, I know depression, and this, it's just calming, it's serene. I feel like I can breath and be calm, be safe and mellow. Something about the rain is comforting to me. Why this is I don't think I'll ever know. All I know is, it's Monday, and for the first time in forever, I don't mind. That has to be good for something right?
Mon, Mar. 24th, 2008, 12:25 pm
So this
is going to be one loooooong week. Come see the Mikado. Friday March 28th and Saturday March 29th 8pm. Staples Auditorium CMU music building.
Thu, Mar. 6th, 2008, 01:50 pm
I think...
I could get used to this, used to you. And I also think... I like it...
Driving home today after 8am music theory with Matt Fink...enough said. Oh, there's basically a winter storm warning in effect for MP and TC...so my drive should be interesting too, I should have just left yesterday... Damn.
I'm going stir crazy. I really am. I'm going home this weekend just to get outa here. Friday literally wont come soon enough. I've still got this stupid cold too...god I just want to breath out of my freaking nose properly... Ok...enough complaining. Let's see...the weather here is freaking insane. Sarah and I skated to our rehearsal yesterday. Then it rained, and now it's snowing...goodness. Martua was really happy with our concert though. So happy in fact that he gave the Opera Orchestra the day off on Tuesday...so that'll be nice, having my day end two hours early. I'm just sitting here listening to music, it's really nice actually. Not having to worry about people, and drama, and all that jazz. I think I finally know what I want my first tattoo to be...but it's a matter of my parents letting me I suppose...oh well. Well I guess that's really it for now. I wrote in my actual journal earlier so I feel like I wrote it all out already.
Tue, Feb. 12th, 2008, 07:06 pm
Dude...
Fuck this.
I'm in the pit for CMU's opera The Mikado.
So lets see... Today classes were canceled until 2pm, making my first and only class of the day Orchestra. Which is damn nice in my opinion. So we're watching ANTM and it's pretty sweet...oh Dave...he's so confused...tis funny. And Sarah's playing SNOOD! right next to me, and that's amusing too, between the noises the game makes and the comments she makes...oh good times. Dude they're in these huge freaking heals...I'm surprised someone hasn't broken an ankle yet. OUCH! Ok...so hmm...I feel like I'm posting because I haven't in like a month, but I'm not sure how to put my thoughts into words...we'll have to try this another time... Well peace out for now I guess... I feel dumb cause this was kinda pointless...oh well.
Well lets see...I could start with how incredibly nervous and alone I felt before coming back to CMU...like whoa...driving down...good god. It was my first time driving down on my own...which the only reason I didn't freak out too much was the fact that I knew I have a car now, so I can go places(home, Dames, Austins) so I didn't feel so trapped. Upon getting here it was much better. I got to see people that I missed and so that was really cool. Sleep didn't go over so well the first night, not for me and not for anybody(in 206 at least). But alas it became time for 8am theory with Campbell(OH JOY! Right? ha ha) not so much. But it wasn't so bad I guess. My English class seemed small, but cool I guess. Psych is going to be amazing this semester, oh wow. I'm actually extremely excited for this class. Then I practiced and had my first lesson of the semester...it went alright for not having a bow to practice with for lets see ALL of break. Went to dinner...yada yada yada...the boring stuff...so then we hear about some bad weather coming our way...hmm bad storm no big deal right? Ha! Well we went to the basement...until the all clear(yeah tornadoes in January...Global Warming is gonna kill us all eventually) but naturally just after the all clear the power goes out. Wooo! yeah well it stayed out. For twenty-one and a half hours. We were going insane...no classes today though, so I guess it wasn't a total loss. But man I'm glad to have lights back on. So it's been an eventful, semi-stressful, and yet fun semester so far, and it's only been two days.
I've got pretty much everything taken care of though, books, parking stuff, payments, seeing people(well most people anyways, the rest of the week has potential of being interesting in that matter), and I'm actually taking my meds...like steadily. I dunno I was freakin a bit before I left and it essentially turned into an anxiety attack(not fun) so my mom asked if I was taking my medication...then she needed proof so I had to show her the bottle(which clearly was full...not nearly empty as it should have been) so I was slightly forced to take it but it helped...so I've been trying to continue to be good about it...I guess it's working so far. So I guess over the past several days it's been kinda an emotional rollercoaster(I don't like the term, but it fits really well) Lots of ups and downs...but we'll see...I suppose thats just life...and what do we know about life?
It goes on.
Scared? Yes
Mad? Kinda
Sorry? Kinda
Tired? Hell yes
Indecisive? Mmhmm
Bitchy?(workin on it)
Again I don't know...I really just feel like crap.
In so many words I really just don't want to go back to central, but I really don't wanna stay here...so I'm fucked. Unless I clean out my bank account, and just drive somewhere, but where? And to what? That sounds like such an amazing plan...but it scares me. And I don't like being scared. I just don't know what to do, or even what to think. How could it all be going so well, and then just fall apart?
Ps...by "it" I mean life...fyi...not that it really matters...
Umm.
Pain=not fun...but yay for drugs right?
Completely numb face=suckfest...but for those around a good laugh or two...or ten.
BLAH!
That's it....that's life...
Mon, Oct. 29th, 2007, 11:35 pm
Thoughts...
So I really don't have anything to say. But that's kinda the point of these things right? To write down what you don't say? Well if not then to bad, cause that's what I'll be using this for. Hmm I'm still trying to get used to this whole "live journal" thing, never had one like it before, the closest thing I could think of would be "myspace blogging" or my allpoetry spot. I dunno, it feels weird to me, spilling my guts to an online journal that people can read if they want, interpret how they wish, and comment as they see fit.
It's probably because I normally don't do much gut spilling. It's just not my kind of thing. I mean, I've got skeletons, but most people do. And I know there are much scarier skeletons in other closets...but mine sometimes like to come out to dance, and I've just always tried to shut them back in. I'm probably not making much sense right now, but again this is really just my random thoughts put into size "x-small" font.
Now that I'm pretty settled with life at college there are a few things that I would really like to get out in the open, let the skeletons dance about, but for some reason I just can bring myself to let that happen yet. I really just want to let people in, because I'm sick and tired of trying to lock them out. My mind is a conundrum that I have yet to solve, and I feel like it shouldn't be that way. I should be able to figure out what goes on in my own head right?
This week hasn't really gone well for me so far, and it's only Monday...fuck.
I just wish it were Friday, right now....please?
Mon, Oct. 29th, 2007, 09:46 pm
First time
Hey guess what?!?! I got a Live Journal...yep, and this is my first post, nothing special, just wanted to say something.
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